Category Archives: Probably Poor Parenting

iWin with the iPhone.

So, Dustin got an iPhone a few weeks ago. The one person in the world wide world who doesn’t even have his own email address or twitter, and refuses to join Facebook.

Which is probably a good thing, lest he see all the 19 year old guy “friends” I have on there.

Anyway, holy shit. A cool piece of technology the iPhone is. You can like, download games and stuff. (WOW!)

He is constantly poking fun at my blackberry. Which isn’t cool since he couldn’t even figure out how to turn my phone on if he tried. Also, news flash, Dustin. Cell phones have had games since like for.e.ver. I’m still the Bejeweled Champion of Western Canada. Eat it.

Anyway. Lillienne is a VERY narcissistic little gnome. I mean, really, Lily. Come on.

We MUST take 13698 videos of her a day. Mostly of her waving at the camera. And then we MUST watch them all. 42862 times. Its a wonderful parenting tool, but I worry.

I hope she isn’t going to be one of those girls who needs to look in every single mirror she walks by, or takes out her compact when her BFF is crying a river so she can inspect her eyeliner.

I beat the shit out of those girls in high school.

Ok, I was one of those girls.

Regardless, its pretty handy to have an iPhone.

Need to take a poo uninterrupted? Let her watch herself on the iPhone. Trying to eat a civilized meal in a restaurant but your kid is throwing forks at the waitress like a professional dart player? Let her watch herself on the iPhone. Need to dry shave your armpits because people are coming over and you just caught a glance in the reflection in the front entrance door and thought there was a small african family hiding out in your armpits and you don’t have time to shower again but your kid is pulling your pants down asking for something indecipherable and you just realized youre standing in front of your windows with said pants now around your ankles and oh fuck here comes the mailman? Let your kid watch herself on the iPhone.

Thank you, iPhone, for all of your co parenting help. High fives all around.

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Filed under Dustin, Lillienne, Probably Poor Parenting, Sarah, Seriously?

A Horrible Mother.

I attempted to french braid Lily’s hair one night and I ended up doing something completely opposite which doesn’t have a name. But now I deem it  The Sister-Wives Updo For Toddlers.

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Filed under awesome!, Lillienne, Photographs, Probably Poor Parenting, The Second Year, wtf

More organization, less cheese slices.

By supper time, I am zonked. Wiped out from playing with Lily all day, working, (attempting to) clean and (again, attempting) laundry, tidying up, etc. Supper around our house usually involves the “What do you want?”  “I don’t know, what do you want?” game until we are all lying on the living room floor crying of starvation but with no idea of what to make. Sometimes, it’s Kraft dinner. Sometimes, it’s grilled cheese sandwiches . At least once a week I will do the whole meat and potatoes and vegetable thing, but more often than not its chicken fingers and fries. Or Ragu over fusilli. Or cheese slices and a few goldfish crackers. Or sugar cubes and a squirt of mustard.
I was reading an article in my Today’s Parent magazine  when I saw an article about meal planning and a light went off. Or on. Anyway. I can do that! I can write down some meals and then buy everything I need for the meals, and then make the meals! And then I don’t have to stand in front of the freezer for an hour going “Hmmmmmmmmm” while my nipples get hard enough to take out someone’s eyeball. So, starting next Monday, we are going to attempt to become one of those meal planner families.The excitement never ends around here. Ever. Seriously. I mean, tonight we all bonded watching Teen Mom. Can you say Poor Parenting?

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Filed under Food, Meal Planning Ideas, Probably Poor Parenting

Unfortunately, She Isn’t Litter Trained.

So this was Lillienne at the Children’s Festival this afternoon. She was a kitty. Obviously. Afterwards we came home and she went directly for a nap. When she woke up, her war paint was still on, if a bit smudged. Hey, I thought. I have paints! I can touch it up so when Dustin comes home he can witness the cuteness for himself! And I did have paints. Oil based paints that I used and didn’t notice how horrible they smelled until I was nearly finished. I chose black and red and even added some very impressive black eyebrows. Because kitties totally have eyebrows and the girl at the park didnt give Lillienne eyebrows. And then Lillienne started wiping her face and the paint wasnt drying and it was getting everywhere. I had tried to do some innocent face painting and began having visions about painting some extremely toxic paint on my kids face and causing a rash or some severe allergy and oh shit what if she ingests it, oh there now her fist is in her mouth, I have to get this stuff off now, where is a washcloth? Why did I do this, anyway? She still looked pretty darn cute even if some rubbed off on her sheets while she was….why isnt this coming off? Is it staining her…it is, it’s staining her eyebrows and cheeks black…oh F&$@ I just remembered I’m supposed to go shopping in PUBLIC in ten minutes with my mother and my sister and this BABY with black greasy paint everywhere…make up remover??? Hmmm. For a moment she looked like a baby Hitler / Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and YES I managed to clean her up instead of grabbing the camera, because come on, who do you think I am, anyway?

**And before you call social services, I checked and my paints were made with flaxseed oil.

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Filed under Lillienne, Photographs, Probably Poor Parenting, The Second Year

Brody, If You Can Hear Me….Mmmm.

Alright, so I missed The Hills last night on MTV but I caught it this morning on MTV.ca. First of all, Spencer needs to be heavily medicated and put in a large soft room, fed chocolate milk and oreos and then get the $@&% beat out of him.  It’s quite clear those crystals arent doing anything besides possibly keeping the veins in his next from exploding.

What a whackjob! And Heidi. That poor girl She is now 98% Tupperware, 1% android and 1% Joan Rivers.
I enjoy watching The Hills because it distracts me for 30 minutes from diapers, crackers, barbies and Goodnight Moon. Also, because those skinny bitches have the best shoes and I like to imagine myself teetering around in stilletto’s on Rodeo Drive with the biggest problem that I have being if I get to sleep with Brody Jenner or not that night…
Back to real life. I’ll get you next time, Jenner….next time.

Probably Poor Parenting:
Encouraging your child to dance to “My Humps”
Also, please note her fab outfit!

lillienne is 15 months old today!

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Filed under Lillienne, Probably Poor Parenting, The Second Year, Videos, wtf