I love to cook! And it’s not often I get to cook a big, gigantic meal and I haven’t done this for a while, so I’m very excited. Also because it’s the first time Dustin & I are hosting Christmas supper, and on Christmas day! THAT’S A BIG DEAL.
This is going to take a few double rye’s.
Turkey with Bacon Sage Stuffing
Brown Sugar Glazed Carrots
Meat Pie (or French Canadian Tourtiere, if you want to be fancy!)
Roasted Lemon Garlic Broccoli with Parmesean
Flaky Buns (Pillsbury- carbs in a tube!)
Salad my mom and sister are bringing
Cabbage rolls my Aunt is bringing
Apple + Lemon Merengue Pie (From the frozen foods section. Sue me.)
The directions were wrong. When you first assemble the house, the box stated to “Hold in place for 10 minutes.” Obviously they meant an HOUR, because that’s how long it took after it caved in twice and chunks of the roof fell off and I had to prop it up with books. The pictures resemble nothing of what sits on my dining room table. It’s like a creepy, abandoned farmhouse with half the roof gone, with gumdrops. Its the Blair Witch Gingerbread House.
This year on my mother’s side of the family, we’re doing homemade gifts for Christmas. Since I’m not the most crafty person I did some brainstorming and came up with a few good ideas that anyone can do!
Salt dough ornaments. Make these, paint them and varnish them. VOILA! Cute and cheap ornaments.
Kaluha brownies. Everyone likes baking, and most people enjoy booze.
Tin foil sculpture. Do it!
Paint a portrait of the recipient. Painting while on acid optional, but it always gives it that WOW factor.
Homemade wine, if you know what you’re doing. Don’t blow anybody up.
Make your own version of the Snuggie….I just might follow-up this post with another post exclusively about Snuggie designs because they are ONE FUCKING HOT ITEM!!
Homemade slippers. One size should fit all but you can always double up.
OK, so that is only 7 ideas, but you get the idea. Use your imagination.
So far I have consumed roughly ten pounds of sugar and about 9 cups of coffee, while skipping breakfast, lunch and supper. I’m not sure whether I feel like vibrating across the room, shitting my pants, passing out or making a candy corn martini.
Today marks the day when you purchase candy and chocolate for complete fucking strangers and then close the door hoping they dont come by and smash your car or egg your windows later on.
It’s true. I’m not bitter. And I’m especially excited this year because I have a Tupperware bowl full of leftover Jersey Milk mini bars. Not including Lillienne’s haul.
This was her second Halloween but the first time we went trick or treating. She was a bumblebee and I found the costume at Old Navy (because I am completely fricken’ orignal, duh). I didn’t have any face paint (only paint that stained her face) and couldn’t find my pastels so I used my black MAC eyeliner and she was a bee with a cute black dot on her nose. We only went to about ten houses but she managed to score WAY more candy than an almost two-year old should be allowed to carry around.
AND WTF is up with all the awesome Halloween goodies? When I was a kid getting chocolate bars in your stash was like winning the lottery. I remember getting rockets and rock-hard miniature gum balls and those gross toffee/caramel/shit flavoured candies that came in the orange and black wrappers. Now people give away toys. Full chocolate bars. Miniature bags of chips. Cans of POP. Why stop there? How about socks for my kid? A new DVD? Some soup and crackers?
I enjoyed taking Lily trick or treating. I love feeling her small, warm hand in my palm or her teeny fingers clutched around my thumb.
So, it snowed. I’m not sure what it is about this time of year, and snow. It makes me wanna do stuff. CrAzY stuff. Like carve pumpkins and hang my outdoor Christmas lights and rearrange all my furniture and bake and make homemade Christmas ornaments. I might have done all of these things in the past 48 hours.
Anyhow, I found a wonderful salt dough Christmas ornament recipe. You mix this goop up, use shapes to cut out “cookies”, bake for two hours and then you can paint them. Cheap, friendly, cheerful Christmas ornaments. Guess what, family! I love you all so much that everyone is getting these. Ha ha!
We made these once when I was very young and we still have a few of these homemade ornaments kicking around. Once you bake this stuff it is nearly indestructible.Keep in mind this recipe is made for teeny ornaments to go on presents next to tags. I TRIPLED it and got two sheets of various sized ornaments. Paint with paint afterwards. Hang on tree. Cherish. I remember licking these as a kid, they are saltier than salty chocolate balls.
Homemade Christmas Ornaments – Salt Dough Craft
What you’ll need:
- ½ cup salt
- 1 cup flour
- ½ cup water
- Rolling pin- I used a glass. I guess I need a rolling pin.
- Cookie sheet
- cookie cutters: I got a box of 101 (seriously, 101 cookie cutters) from Michaels for 17 bucks. It has the alphabet, numbers, and a bunch of different holiday designs.
- Acrylic paints
- Glitter glue or glitter paint
- ribbon- I used silver elastic type stuff from the necklace making section @ Michaels. Could also use regular xmas ornament hooks.
How to make it:
- Preheat the oven to 250 degrees F.
- Mix together, salt, flour, and water until dough is formed.
- Knead the dough on a floured surface until the mixture is elastic and smooth. If dough is too sticky, sprinkle with flour, continue to do so until stickiness is gone. Do not add too much flour, this will dry out the dough and will cause it to crack before you get a chance to bake it.
- Roll out the dough to about ¼” thick with a rolling pin that has been dusted with flour.
- Use cookie cutters to cut out as many trees and stars as you want.
- Use a toothpick to make a hole toward the top of the shape. Poke the toothpick into the shape, then holding toothpick straight up and down, make a circular motion as if you were stirring something. Keep circling until the hole is the size you want.
- Place all shapes onto an ungreased cookie sheet and place into the preheated oven.
- Bake for 2 hours.
- Remove from oven and allow to cool completely.
- Use the handle end of the paint brush/toothpicks to dot on ornaments by dipping into paint then dotting onto ornament.
- When paint is dry, use glitter glue or glitter paint to put a sparkling cover coat on your ornaments. Use some type of clear coating when the paint is dry.
- When dry, thread ribbon through hole and tie in a knot in the back.Could also use regular wire hooks for holiday ornaments
- If your ornaments are large enough, you can make two holes in each so that you can thread ribbon through like a button, only showing a small amount of ribbon on the front.
- These make adorable pins to wear to school. Just don’t make a hole. Glue a pin back to the back of the completed ornament instead.
- Uncooked salt dough doesn’t keep well, so only make enough dough for the ornaments you are going to make.
Lily and I are going to attempt to paint these over the next few weeks. MMMMmmmm non toxic Crayola paint. Couldn’t they at least add some vitamins? This is a great craft for younger babies or toddlers since you can give them a bowl of paint and let them decorate these on their own.
Recipe By: Amanda Formaro at Kaboose.com
The photo in the right top corner summarizes how Lillienne felt for exactly seven days. What a nasty flu that was. Fevers, barf everywhere (on floors and towels and t-shirts and everywhere including the kitchen sink) plumbing issues (seriously, right?!?!), interesting yet disgusting non stop diarrhea and a fussy, unhappy, lethargic baby living off pedialtye, gravol and baby tylenol. At one point she woke up from her nap shaking, and her lips, hands and feet had turned blue. We flew across the bridge to the ER where they checked her over, gave her more tylenol, and did a catheter urine test on her to check for an infection in her bladder. No infection, and they told us the blueness was just her body trying to keep blood in the core but that was the scariest shit ever!
Everyone here has pretty much recovered so its back to work, back to naps and back to nice, normal, happy healthy lives. Hallelujah, Homies.
And apparently, it’s spring now. There are flies outside, spiders on my balcony and i just found an ANT crawling on my window. 21 floor UP OFF THE GROUND. WTF??!!