Monthly Archives: March 2011

You Dont Know Where That Pylon Has Been.

So we have purchased our FIRST HOME!  We are home owners. Or at least, I am engaged to one.

We are thrilled. We have big plans to turn this house into our own.I’m talking turning the kitchen into my shoe-room plans. But not for reals, sadly. Though that would be awesome.

Oh, and because we aren’t stupid busy enough, we’re going to add a  hippopotamus puppy to the mix. We get to bring him home in a few days, and basically we just have to do the opposite of everything that guy did in the book Marley & Me, and he should turn out alright.

This week marks Lily’s last swimming lesson. We have probably gone to seven out of the eleven lessons. These last few winter months have been horrible for Lily and myself with flus, colds, and god knows what else. She absolutely loves swimming lessons when she isn’t freaking out in the pool. Although I wouldn’t want to blow bubbles with my mouth in the water in that pool, either. That one dude scares me.

Next  extra curricular activity that promotes Coffee and Grown Up Time: Gymnastics, or basically Give Us Your Kids For 45 Minutes And They Can Go Bat Shit Crazy On These Rubber Mats. It should be fun; I can sit on the sidelines with my Tim Hortons gossiping discussing our political standpoints  to my bestie while our kids run amuck and lick orange pylons. Like they did at swimming lessons last week.




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I can finally afford some hotdogs for my macaroni.

I received this completely legitimate email the other day. I’m going to share it, as well as my response, with you in hopes that you can help me maybe figure out why I haven’t heard back yet. Was I wrong to offer my fingerprints? Too personal? Hmmm.

This email is from The London Organizing Committee of the Olympic Games and Paralympic Games (LOCOG).

The LOCOG would like to thank our partners for their support so far. Through their support,the LOCOG has received £941 million already, out of the targeted £1,835 million frompartners.

This online email draw was organized by the LOCOG in conjunction with Microsoft (provider of the emails for the draw).The Aim of the online email draw is to give back to the society that has given so muchalready. The draw was organized online using emails because it is the most convenient means to reach winners from different parts of the world.
The online email draw will be organized quarterly using thousands of active emails from aregion. During the online draw, four emails are picked as the winning emails of One millionPounds Sterling (£1 million GBP) each.

Your email is one of the four emails that emerged as the winning emails of the first quarter draw. To commence your claims process, please fill out the required information (below) within 24to 48 hours:

 FULL NAMES============
PHONE/FAX NO============

 The above information is required for the verification and approval of your prize money(£1,000,000.00).
After proper documentation by the claims documentation Attorney, your prize money will be transferred to you by the payout bank. For security reasons, you are advised to keep this winning information very confidentialuntil you have claimed your prize money successfully.
Get back to us with the required information as soon as possible to enable us proceed withthe release of your prize money. NOTE: WE (LOCOG) HAVE RECEIVED NUMEROUS SUPPORTS FROM OUR WORLDWIDE PARTNERS.

 Best Regards,
Mr.Sebastian Coe
Chairman LOCOG
Head Office London 2012
One Churchill PlaceCanary WharfLondon E14 5LN
United Kingdom.

My response:

Hi just wondering when I get my money because I quit my job and left my kids and husband and need the money so my young lover and I can move to europe and open an antique used bandages store?
Antique used bandage stores do not open themselves, you know.
Also we need groceries and sex changes done so I need that money asap.
Please send my big fat cheque promptly because we would also like to purchase some fur coats, high end pastries and a few elephants to stomp the shit out of some loud ass neighbour cats that meow all friggin night long.
If giving you my sin card number, bank info, finger prints or first born daughter will speed up the process just let me know and I can fed ex it to you. I’m a millionaire now!


SO if you need some money, hit me up. I’m friggin RICH now.


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My Turkey Bird

Somewhere in the past couple weeks, Lily turned two. That’s not to say she was forgotten about, but rather is even more proof of how there aren’t enough hours in the day, especially to blog lately.
My little girl is growing up. She amazes me every day. Affectionate, hilarious, and has the ability to make me laugh when I want to scream, like when she will.not.sleep.whatsoever.ohmygod.
Everyday we explore new ideas and learn new things and even more words. We partake in conversation and we say I Love You about five hundred times a day. She is my joy, my world, my everything I dreamed she would be.
She’s in a stage now where she needs mommy. A lot. Like holding her in my lap while I poop a lot. We cuddle a lot, I carry her a lot, and we haven’t been more than a few inches apart for days.
But we also tell secrets a lot. Or rather, she listens to mine. We snuggle a lot. We grin a lot, with our noses touching and her sweet baby breath pouring into my nostrils. Her soft, warm hands will wake me in the morning touching my cheek, playing with my hair, or fiddling with the straps on my pyjamas. She will literally sleep on top of me at night, and ill find both my arms wrapped around her and her blonde hair halfway down my throat and in my eyeballs. And this is how I like to sleep now.
Its just after midnight, and I’m waiting for her bedroom door to FLY open and have her pad down the hallway in her strawberry shortcake jammies, fling herself into my arms and have her say with her eyes half closed `sokay, mommy right here.”


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