Monthly Archives: February 2011

Did you just Jackie Chan me?

At this point, I am sure we are failing at every aspect and going about everything in the wrong way in regards to trying to get Lillienne to sleep in her room, in her toddler bed.

I knew it would be difficult. I’ve watched Supernanny enough.

But do you know what they DON’T show on Supernanny? The almost two year old who is up until six am, simultaneously doing somersaults and freaking out in your bed while you try to finally get some sleep even though you’re getting steamrolled.

I was karate chopped in the neck by a 22 lb toddlers foot. Several times.

We need a bigger bed.

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Remember bathing alone?

Scene from last night.

The tubs running, and I’m deciding if I should shave my legs tonight.

I’m going to have the most amazing,relaxing bath ever, and pretend I’m at the spa, and I’m feeling all rejuvenated just at the thought. Totally zen.

“Let me in, I’ve gotta pee!”

I unlock the door. Dustin looks around at the bubbles and candles all while trying to see my boobs.

“Ooh, candles! Are you at the spa?”

I’m at the spa. I’m not here, I’m going to be awhile and I’d like some alone time.

“Ok. Its mommy time. Let’s go, Lily.”

I put in some fancy detox salts. I find some spa type pan flute tunes on youtube on my blackberry. The candles are lit and warm, the bath is steamy and the sounds of the rainforest and harps fills the room. I’ve also got the bathroom fan on the drown out any noise…like MOMMY OPEN DOOR MOMMY OPEN DOOR and noises like WHAT SHOULD I EAT or HOW DO YOU FOLD THESE LITTLE PYJAMAS!?

I’m ten minutes in. The package on the salts says to stay in for thirty minutes. I’m almost relaxed. I wish my tub was bigger. Or that I was smaller. Why don’t they make tubs long enough for you to extend your legs? What’s wrong with everybody? Its 2011, why isn’t this the law yet?

The door handle is jiggling. I can hear Lily and then I can hear Dustin in the room next to the bathroom\spa that isn’t a spa.

I can hear Dustin whistling, probably while he plays poker online while Lily draws all over her face with a ball point pen again.

“There is NO whistling at the spa!”

Lily is asking “Where mommy go?” Over and over now. More door handle jiggling, I am sure its only weeks before she figures out how to jimmy open the bathroom lock.

I can hear Dustin on the phone now at this point, and Lily is all but eating her way through the bathroom door. I blow out the candles, shut off the music, and turn on the lights.

Hello again, reality.

Hey, it was a good try.

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